The Harvard Lampoon

The American Dream #

| Issue Editor: CWW '16 | Art Editor: SESH '16

Boss Machine

ING '16

JTB boss machine ING

Boss Machine is a good boss. This is what they do not understand.

Sometimes the employees complain. They feel they can get away with this. When they hear wheels squeaking, they know he is coming. They feel they can talk freely. Quarterly, he is tuned up and does not squeak. That is when he hears them.

He thinks to ask his employees how they can become happy. This is not his responsibility, but it is nice. When he tries, he freezes and has to restart.

Boss Machine thinks he is happy. He cannot be sure.

Sometimes Boss Machine rides the elevator. His employees jab elevator buttons, and when they notice him, they look guilty. But Boss Machine is not an elevator. He is not related to an elevator, machine-wise. Boss Machine has no words to correct them.

For Christmas, the office gave Boss Machine a bottle of mechanical lubricant. He let five people go that day, because of the data.

The employees often talk about vacation. Boss Machine thinks he would like one. When he thinks too much about this, his power shuts off. He does not think to ask why.

The employees do not understand: Boss Machine wants to be a better boss. He cannot. There is another boss machine to answer to.