February, 2014 || Issue editor: ERB '14

Host: Hello, and welcome to Cheese Whiz, the cheesetastic game show that’s just audacious enough to ask the question, “Are you a Cheese Whiz?” I’m your host, 1997 Pro-bowler Trent Dilfer, and have we got a show for you! Let’s meet our contestant.
Contestant: Hi, I’m Dimitri from Jacksonville, FL, and I’m glad to be here and meet the Dilf. Go Jags!
Trent: There it is, folks. Now let’s prepare Dimitri for the first round: Guess That Cheese!
[Trent blindfolds Dimitri and ties him to his chair]
Dimitri: Wow Trent, I’m your biggest fan.
Trent: Okay, then. Now for Round One.
Dimitri: Woah, woah. Is this brie? I can’t eat this. I’m lactose intolerant.
Trent: That’s right you are. And...you just got brie’d! You know what that means:
Studio Audience [hollering]: BONUS CHEESE!
Dimitri: Ugh! I think I’m going to be sick.
Trent: Okay, great job on the first round, but now it’s time for the lightning round. Open wide!
Dimitri [uneased]: Anything for you Dilfster, even five cheeses in quick succession.
Trent: That couldn’t have been easy! Time to guess the cheeses in order.
Dimitri [gasping for breath]: Havarti...Camembert...Gouda...Manchego, and...
Trent: Come on, Dimitri, so far so good. Guess the last one and you’ll win a signed football!
Dimitri: Aged Cheddar?
Trent: Ouch! The answer is sharp cheddar. ...

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