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Pepper Grinder
Waiter: (grinding) Sir, just tell me when.
Patron: …
Waiter: Sir, let me know when you want me to stop.
Patron: …
Waiter: Sir? D- Do you want me to stop? Please just say something.
Patron: …
Waiter: Sir? Do you want this much pepper? I’m sorry, I know you’re a patron. I’ll keep going.
Patron: …
Waiter: Sir, with every passing second, more pepper is going onto your food… do you understand that? Do you understand what is happening?
Patron: …
Waiter: Is this…are you even going to eat this? The other customers…they- they’re all looking at you.
Patron: …
Waiter: Jesus Christ sir, what are you? Are you a human? Are you an actual human being? Or are you some kind of freak or something? I- I can’t even see the food anymore.
Patron: …
Waiter: Oh my God sir, this isn’t funny …my arm, it’s…oh my God it’s spasming…
Patron: Okay that’s good.
Waiter: Bon appétit sir.
MKG '10

Lampoon comix by John Updike.
Comedy by Conan O'Brien from his time at Harvard.
More Conan comix.
A B.J. Novak piece from the Lampoon archives.
Comedy by Andy Borowitz from his days on The Lampoon.
Past Daily Comedy pieces.
Past Weekly Comix.