Prison Tutoring

Last year, I did community service by tutoring prisoners. It was harder than I
expected.

Tutor: If Sally bought 7 oranges on Monday, and sold 5 oranges on Tuesday—
Prisoner: Is she gonna make booze out of them oranges?
Tutor: What? No. Sally’s not going to make some kind of prison liquor.
Prisoner: Alls I’m saying is she could if she wanted to. She could make it in a
toilet.
Tutor: Well, Sally doesn’t want to. She’s a nice girl.
Prisoner: If she’s such a nice girl, why’s she dressed like a hooker?
Tutor: There are no pictures in this math book. You’re making this up.
Prisoner: Oh yeah, Sally’s one fine specimen of a woman. With her three legs.
No, two legs. Three legs?
Tutor: Sweet Jesus, how long have you been in here?
Prisoner: Tell me what her hairs smell like.
Tutor: No. Focus on the problem. How will you succeed when you get out of here
if you can’t do simple math?
Prisoner: I’ll make a living selling my homemade liquor. Sally will do the
math. She’s a smart one, right?
Tutor: Look. I don’t get my community service hours if we don’t finish the
workbook. No more unrelated questions.
Prisoner: Fine… fine. But I have a question. A math question.
Tutor: Thank God. What is it?
Prisoner: How many oranges do I have to buy before Sally shows me her lady
parts?

CRS '09