Porn Composer

Herman Beeftink was the world's most famous porn music composer. Here he is talking with the director on the set.

-Okay Herman, what are some of your ideas for this scene?
-I was thinking circus music for this one. I'm going to need some trombones and some big drums.
-Herman, let's not have this discussion again. Circus music is not appropriate.
-It is though. Look: you're watching the movie, and some people are having sex. Then you close your eyes, and you're suddenly at the circus, or a carnival.
-I don't--
-Then you open your eyes again, and there I am playing a drum.
-You can't be in the movie, Herman.
-Please trust me on this. This scene is going to be in crazy fast motion, right?
-No! What's the matter with you?
-(sigh) I don't know. I can't figure out what sounds to use to make porn exciting again. Maybe I'm losing it for good.
-Well, why don't you use what you usually use? Like, synthesizers.
-I don't think that's going to work this time. What about dogs barking?
-No.
-Lots of typing.
-No, Herman.
-Two lumberjacks chopping down a tall oak tree. I'll have the tree falling instead of an orgasm noise.
-No. Wait, what's an orgasm noise?
-Lately car horns.

HHD '08-'09