Getting Your Book Published

Make sure your book is about something. Or at the very least, make sure it's really a book. Very few publishers will be fooled by even the most detailed sculpture.

The key to writing is language. For me, English works best. Remember to "show, don't tell." If you must tell, do it quickly and maybe sort of mumble. Never write about a topic you don't know very well—you don't know where it's been. And if you find yourself writing about a boring topic, you can always spice things up with a few swears. Then, calm down and get back to work!

Always have a beginning, a middle and an end. A publisher appreciates a book than can be printed on a finite number of pages. A lot of people ask, "how do I know when I'm done writing?" Try to avoid these people; they are a bad influence. Don't be too concerned about length—you'll get distracted from the task at hand, which is making sure your book is long enough to be published. When you're done, make sure every page is absolutely full of words.

Don't worry if the ideas don't come right away. When writing, keep in mind the famous words of Mark Twain, and then try to rearrange them into a book of your own. Another trick is to give your story a crazy new twist when the reader is least expecting it. When he's busy reacting to the surprise, you can just write nonsense for a few pages.

Revise, revise, revise. A good publisher can tell a rough draft from a finished one, and the best publishers are also quite good at distinguishing types of wine. Don't forget to save your work often—nothing is more frustrating than the feeling of not saving your work often.

Remember: anyone can write, and the fact that you can read this means you already have a leg up. Don't get discouraged! Even Stephen King was rejected several times before his first novel was published, and you're obviously no Stephen King. Greatness takes time. Just think of how many books Toni Morrison had to write before she won the Nobel Prize—six.

NHS '10