Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein famously said that if he had known his work would lead to the atomic bomb, he would have been a shoemaker instead.

Woman: Excuse me, sir?
Einstein: Yes?
Woman: These shoes you made me are terrible. My feet are in constant pain.
Einstein: But according to my calculations—
Woman: Your calculations are wrong!
Einstein: I'm sorry. I... I just wasn't cut out for this work.
Woman: Do you even know the first thing about making shoes?
Einstein: I'm trying, madam. I try to concentrate on shoemaking, but I'm constantly distracted by thoughts about the fabric of the cosmos—
Woman: Why I'm sure I've never heard of anything more ridiculous!
Einstein: I will try harder, madam.
Woman: What's your name?
Einstein: Albert Einstein.
Woman: Well from now on, the name 'Einstein' will be synonymous with incompetence.
Einstein: I'm sure you're right.
Woman: Do you remember my nephew who you made shoes for?
Einstein: Yes, how does he like them?
Woman: He tripped running from a mugger, and was hit by a passing vehicle.
Einstein: Was it the shoes that did it?
Woman: Yes.
Einstein: How can I live with myself now.
Woman: Also, the driver of the vehicle was wearing your shoes.
Einstein: Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Woman: Well you can start by giving me a refund.
Einstein: Certainly, madam, though I'm so broke I don't know what I'll do. [sighs] If I'd known my shoes would cause so much harm and pain, I would have been a scientist.
[A man comes running in.]
Man: They've just discovered the nuclear bomb!
Woman: The inventor is sure to make millions.
Man: [to Einstein] Aren't you the one responsible for all the foot cancer?

NHS '10