Hacker

I am a computer hacker. The only thing I want to do is get into the wires of your computer and upload. Maybe I’ll upload a virus or maybe I’ll upload porn with a virus, but the fact of the matter is this: once I’m in the wires, I can upload anything I want – maybe even download. Let me ask you a personal question: when was the last time you watched a Russian teenager who speaks in binary code play God with your Microsoft Word Documents?

You probably think you can stop me. You probably think security is a thing that exists in the wires. Listen: I walked through The Firewall when I was 13, unscathed. It was a rite of passage, a ritual in my hacker world that separated the men from the men with the long beards and glasses.

I’m not the kind of hacker that wants to install credit card numbers to the hard drive. I’m the kind of hacker that wants to play Quake II with your stolen identity. Your name will show up all over the virus internet sites, making the FBI think you created Email Virus. And what if I decide to share Joe in Space from your computer after I video record it in a movie theater? Is that the CIA I hear knocking?

Maybe if I got a job I could afford to wear things other than these specially made hacker goggles that make me see the world like the Terminator. Or maybe I could get rid of the headset that I use to talk to hackers around the world 24/7. But I’d rather just work on Email Virus 2 so it can get me your Social Security check. Then I can buy the skateboard I always wanted: the one that is a computer.

KPB '10-'11