Dumbledore Is Gay: Early Deleted Chapter
The match was over. Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup and the only thing Harry could think about was celebrating with Dumbledore. Ecstatic, he burst into the headmaster’s office.
At first, Harry wasn’t sure what he was seeing. There was Dumbledore at his desk, that much was certain. But there was another man there too. He was wearing lipstick; he was licking the headmaster’s face.
“P—Professor?”
There was a loud pop as the lipsticked man disapparated from the room.
“Harry?!” said Dumbledore, dumbstruck. “Oh… I, uh, didn’t see you there. Come in, come in.”
Dumbledore seemed to be wearing his regular headmaster robes, but Harry could have sworn that just a second ago they had been made out of sleek, black leather.
“Listen Harry, about what you just saw.” Dumbledore rollerbladed around to Harry’s side of the desk as he spoke. “I’m researching a new kind of magic with that man, that’s all. It’s a way of protecting against Lord Voldemort. I enchant his tongue, and then he licks me. Depending on what you saw, he may lick me on my face or on my…well…” Dumbledore conspicuously eyed his crotch. “It’s important to stay protected. You understand, of course.”
Harry wasn’t sure he understood, but he nodded anyway. He didn’t want to seem stupid in front of Dumbledore, and anyway, he would take any excuse to stop staring at the large, black dildo sitting on the headmaster’s desk.
Dumbledore noticed where Harry’s attention had been. “Oh boy. Um. Okay, listen.” The headmaster sighed. “This is a very special magic artifact to protect against dark magic.” He tapped the dildo with his wand and it started to vibrate. “See Harry? It’s working now. As long as it’s active we cannot be harmed.”
Harry felt very confused. Dumbledore, eager to prove his point, tapped the dildo again. This time, it swelled to twice its size.
“Now it’s bigger and we have even more protection. Isn’t that wonderful?”
But Harry didn’t have a chance to respond. There was another loud pop and the lipsticked man reappeared in the room.
“You’re short two galleons, Dumbles,” he said.
“Oh no that can’t be. Check it again. I’m certain it’s the right amount.”
“No it’s not. Now listen, do I need to get Big Roy in here? Because if I have to get Big Roy, Big Roy is not going to be happy.”
Harry started to edge his way to the door as Dumbledore sullenly paid the man two galleons.
The lipsticked man eyed Harry. “If the boy’s gonna watch, that’s gonna be another two.”
But Harry had already left, sprinting.
JSG '09
