All Natural # – The Harvard Lampoon

All Natural #

| Issue Editor: HJH '19 | Art Editor: OJ '20

All Natural #

Issue Editor: HJH '19

Art Editor: OJ '20

I am coming to you live from my shoddily crafted hut mere inches from the rising tide. Did you know that the melting of ice sheets could increase sea levels by a meter or mor–oh shit a seagull just took my conch fritters. God damn it. Yeah, another round of fritters over here? Thanks. What I’m trying to say is this issue is a warning. From where I’m sitting I can see three, maybe four tsunamis lined up out there on the horizon. As soon as those things roll in we’ll be in trouble because the cool guys that surf them will be here buying up all the pukka shell necklaces right before the holidays. But it doesn’t stop with the tsunamis. There’s currently an earthquake creating a rift in the ground between my legs. I should really jump to one side, but I’m having a hard time deciding between the left half of the beach and my family. So now I’m doing a split over a 50 foot wide fissure and my pants are probably gonna rip. Hello, doctor? I’m gonna need some medication because I’ve got a serious case of the Mondays.