A Day at Andy’s – The Harvard Lampoon

By Any Means Necessary #

| Issue Editor: ACW '15 | Art Editor: SESH '16

A Day at Andy’s

  TBW '18

I spent every day of 1966 in Andy Warhol’s studio The Factory. Here’s what happened on June 2nd.

9:00 AM:     I walk in. The Factory is covered in silver foil. Classic Factory. Andy is covered in paint. Classic Andy.

9:15 AM      I’m covered in paint, rolling around on a silk screen. Andy has a radical idea for a new installation. He’s laughing, filming with his 16mm. Billy Name walks in. He takes one look at us and slaps Andy five. This is going to be Andy’s best silkscreen yet.

9:30 AM      I wash off the paint. Billy takes one look at my soapy body and slaps my wet skin. I feel dirty. I take another shower.

10:00 AM    Billy leaves to get coffee. I fall asleep on the couch.

10:30 AM    Billy comes back with amphetamine. He forgot coffee because he’s been high on amphetamine all morning. I don’t complain. Amphetamine is better than coffee.

10:45 AM    We take amphetamine. I like the taste.

11:00 AM    Why are we not making art? We should be making so much art. Andy sells his painting for tens of thousands of dollars. We could have millions if we just made more art.

11:05 AM    The floor is covered in blank canvases, wall-to-wall. I’m naked, covered in paint. I’m rolling all over the place, furiously making art. Andy had to leave the room, he was laughing so hard. The prospect of so much art makes him very giddy.

1:00 PM      I break down. Who am I? I’m a thirty-year old man sitting in an empty room on a Thursday, naked. I should have a job. I should have my life together. I watch my fractured reflection on the silver-foiled wall.    

2:00 PM      I destroy all the canvases. They are all wrong.

3:00 PM      We are out of amphetamine. Billy goes out to get more. I collapse on the couch, still naked.

5:00 PM      I come to. Andy is filming me with his 16 mm. I feel uncomfortable. He says I look beautiful when I sleep. That the amphetamine is just making me uneasy. Rest your head, go back to sleep. Billy says that he got more amphetamine but he used it all while I was sleeping. Billy loves amphetamine. Andy loves me.

7:00 PM      We have dinner. No one is hungry because of all the amphetamine, but we still hold hands and say grace. Andy stares into my eyes. I’m reminded of my fractured reflection. Andy sees the good in me. I fall asleep on the couch.