Adopt a Cat – The Harvard Lampoon

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| Issue Editor: NJL '15 | Art Editor: YZ '17

Adopt a Cat

  ING '16

Congratulations on adopting your new cat! You probably have some questions.


Q: What is cat ownership like?

A: First of all, you can never “own” a cat. You and your cat will share one life.


Q: When can I take my cat home with me?

A: Your cat’s new life starts today. He will go to your home, and you will stay behind and live his old life.


Q: What?

A: Yes.


Q: Wait.

A: We supply hard-soled shoes. For the cages.


Q: Please, I have my job to think about.

A: Our cats have a range of professional skills.


Q: But I’m an industrial welder.

A: No problem.


Q: I’m a jockey.

A: Great.


Q: Will I be paid?

A: It is not legal to pay a cat. You will be a cat.


Q: Can I stop being a cat?

A: You’d have to get adopted.