Anatomy – The Harvard Lampoon

Smellfungus #

| Issue Editor: SWR '19 | Art Editor: SW '20

Anatomy

  AMP '20

Please sit two to a cadaver–but no one sit with John. Alright kiddos, the first step of Anatomy class is to forget everything you’ve ever known about anatomy. You think the brain is simply connected to the spine, but as you see when I behead John right here…one second…damn it…why..won’t it…go…OKAY!

There’s this blood vessel, that blood vessel, brain matter inside his esophagus, a femur coming right through there. John’s here with us today because he jumped into the back of a garbage truck and was crushed to death. He had no other choice because of his terminal cancer.

What the medical school wants me to tell you is to take those scalpels and make a weensy cut down the chest like you’re some lame doctor. But is a clean cut really going to help you if you get a John or a Rachel in the emergency room? Rachel’s parachute never opened and five years later she was trampled by a rampaging bull. Please take the provided cleavers and just chop the hell out of your cadaver.

Don’t gag. That’s just a turkey Sandwich

I hope you all understand how complex the human body really is. We’re not in an arm bone connects to the groin connects to the other arm bone kind of world anymore. There are muscles and veins and sometimes the veins are so discolored and weakened by drug use that they look like dead worms. Is our time up already? Please check your mail for the class syllabus and a body part for next week’s puzzle-piecing exercise.