Animal Tester – The Harvard Lampoon

My Animal Friends #

| Issue Editor: CAS '12 | Art Editor:

Animal Tester

  KMN '12

I work as an animal tester for a pharmaceutical company. Some people think this job is mean and unnecessary. But oh hey, Mr. Lion. King of the Jungle. Time for your castration. If this lady shampoo we’re developing makes hair grow on your dong, I need to know.

Morning, Dr. Hippo. Enjoying your newspaper? Here, buddy. Just a little shot. You won’t feel a thing. Not after it paralyzes your central nervous system. Is this cocoa butter too greasy, or not greasy enough? Let me rub it on you.

People sometimes ask me how I sleep at night. But I do it just like everybody else: on baboon face sheets