Announcing the Game – The Harvard Lampoon

Slam Dunk #

| Issue Editor: GMS '09 | Art Editor: GMS '09

Announcing the Game

  KPB '12

Rex Hawthorne: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome. 

Jim Michaels: I’m Jim Michaels. 

Rex Hawthorne: And I’m Rex Hawthorne, coming to you live from Greensboro, North Carolina, home of the NCAA final!

Jim Michaels: It’s going to be a heck of a game, Rex. A heck of a game. 

Rex Hawthorne: Indeed it is! And the action has already started — point guard Matt Howard up for two with a layup!

Jim Michaels: Boy, I’ll tell you what, Rex. That kid has got guts. He’s been unstoppable this season, and he deserves every point. 

Rex Hawthorne: Howard is motioning towards the stands. It looks like —

Jim Michaels: It looks like a portal, Rex. That’s a portal to Hell for our folks listening at home. 

Rex Hawthorne: I—I think the referee is motioning for some sort of consensus here. Creatures are pouring out. 

Jim Michaels: In my twenty years of coverage, I have never seen this kind of carnage, Rex. 

Rex Hawthorne: Jim Michaels, I think I’ll have to agree with you. Those aren’t — you can’t even call those things creatures, Jim. 

Jim Michaels: It looks like the crowd is being seperated — whoremongers on the right, the Righteous in the middle, all others on the left. 

Rex Hawthorne: It’ll be hard to penetrate that line with any sort of weapon, spiritual or otherwise. 

Jim Michaels: Clouds have formed in the First Union Center Folks. And it looks like an emaciated man has emerged from the center of the portal bearing the markings of the stigmata. 

Rex Hawthorne: Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em, folks. Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em.