Barber – The Harvard Lampoon

Man of All Seasons#

| Issue Editor: ZJK '05 | Art Editor: MDP '05

Barber

  SHR '07

Barber: Welcome to Quick Cuts. Haircuts are ten dollars.

My Father: Ten dollars! You must be some kind of asshole!

Barber: Fuck you, mister.

My Father: Asshole! Goddamn asshole! (pause) Okay son, get in the chair.

Me: Dad… don’t you think you should apologize first?

My Father: Apologize to a barber? That’ll be the day. 

Barber: Wow… (begins to cut my hair) You’re going to regret the things you said, mister.

Me: Dad, please stop baiting him!

My Father: Don’t worry son. I can say whatever I want and this punk is still going to give you a fancy haircut. Why? Because I’m boss around here. Not some barber. 

Barber: We’ll see who’s boss. When this haircut’s finished, we’ll take a good hard look at how things turned out and then we’ll decide who’s boss

Me: Look, sir, my father doesn’t speak for me–

Barber: All finished. There. That’s what you get. 

Me: Oh my God. This cut is permanent, isn’t it? It’s permanent. 

My Father: Fuck you barber! Fuck you! I’m not paying you a Goddamn cent! Get out of that chair son. It’s my turn. (sits down) Cut and a shave please. I have a very important meeting tomorrow. The most important meeting of my career.