Best Day of My Life – The Harvard Lampoon

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Best Day of My Life

  MDL-G '16

Things were different today–Bobby was holding doors open for me and verbally abusing other women for a change. He said we would go to one of our favorite local spots, McDonald’s–and when the cashier asked if Bobby would make me order off the kid’s menu like usual, Bobby said: “No, not today.” My heart fluttered.

When Bobby asked me if I wanted a McFlurry I could tell that tonight was going to be the night–Bobby was going to pop the question. He took me out to the ballpit, looked me in the eye, and whispered softly, “Can we get a divorce?” We immediately fell into a warm embrace. The answer was obvious: yes.

There were so many people to call: therapists, attornies, attornies who are also therapists. As we sipped wine under the stars, we began to discuss the things we were truly passionate about, like horseback riding, WrestleMania, and divorces.

As the sun set, I agreed to take custody of the children, as long as he gave me the house. And just like that, he was gone–off talking about hitting up the old fraternity house and sending some pretty aggressive text messages.

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