Brunch – The Harvard Lampoon

Last Ditch Effort #

| Issue Editor: HLD '18 | Art Editor: KDF '19


  FSS '21

Janet: Ugh, I am so glad I could get away. The kids are driving me nuts.

Brenda: Girl, you too? The boys just refused to get dressed this morning.

Janet: Honey, we all have those days. Cheers to motherhood! (clinks glasses)

Karen: Every hour brings new challenges, am I right ladieeeeeees?

Brenda: (sprays whipped cream canister into mouth) Mm-hm.

Janet: And they never put their dishes in the oven.

Brenda: (stops eating a stick of butter) You mean the dishwasher?

Janet: Hm. Yeah, that one.

Karen: (sips mimosa)

Brenda: (sips mimosa)

Janet: (sips mimosa) (darts eyes back and forth)

Karen: (sips mimosa)

Brenda: (sips mimosa)

Janet: (sips mimosa)

Janet: So soccer season is in full swing.

Brenda: (through a mouthful of bagel) TH-WHUMPTH-STHRTH-RAM-MEETH!

Karen: What was that, honey?

Brenda: (swallows) And you know what that means!

Karen and Janet: Grass stains! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Brenda: (shaking salt into her mouth) Ugh, kids are such a blessing.

Karen: Balls of sunshine.

Brenda: (shaking pepper) Wouldn’t trade ‘em for the world. Can I get a hell yeah?


Karen: (looks at Brenda) Did you just answer your own call for a hell yeah?

Brenda: Ummm, no. No. I think that was someone else.



Brenda: I just love it when my kids…run places.  

Janet: Oh, that is just the best.

Karen: I, too, like it.

Janet: And when they do the blocks.

Karen: Blocks in my minivan.

Janet: Oh, yes! The minivan!

Brenda: (chewing on mug) How often do your children love you?

Janet: Approximately six.

Karen: Yeah, six for me, too.

Brenda: (sips mimosa) (mimosa is empty) (darts eyes too far) (eyes roll back into head)

Janet: So same time next week?