Bully – The Harvard Lampoon

# From Venus

| Issue Editor: RJS '17 | Art Editor: KAM '17

Bully

  SVG '18

-Carl, you’re such a flippin’ girl! I’ll punch you right in your girly spleen!

-Billy, we’re nine—we use our words, not our fists. Why am I a girl, with detail.

-Because you wear that Barbie sweater! And a headband made of tulips!

-Right! They’re my sister’s. I wear my sister’s clothes because…

-Because you’re a pansy! A flower-munching, tea-sniffing pansy!

-Almost. It’s because a flood swept away all our belongings, except for Suzy’s. We wear her clothes now.

-Oh jeez. I’m really sorry.

-Don’t be sorry! Be specific. Bring in my dad.

-Um, he’s…fat? A butter-bathing, big-bellied blimp.

-Much better, Billy! He’s not fat, but he is dead. Try again.

-Oh. Carl, I—

-I don’t need pity—I need you to make connections! How did he die.

-I feel sick. Pass?

-Wrong, Billy. It was the flood, again. Now put it together!

-But Ms. Keller’s trying to teach.

-Billy! Like Ms. Keller said: If you start something, you have to finish. Finish me, Billy.

(Gulps) H..Hey, flood-face! Why don’t you go headband-shopping with your dead dad before I punch you in your girly spleen!

-Nice! Go write it on the whiteboard.

-Okay. I’ll write it big so you can see, four-eyes!

-Dude. Too far.