Butler Wanted – The Harvard Lampoon

High Life #

| Issue Editor: BLWS '15 | Art Editor: CMM '16

Butler Wanted

  SLK '16 , Art: MY '16

MY butler wanted SLK

This could be the job for you if you are good with children, Yorkshire Terriers, and children of Yorkshire Terriers, which will likely be more Yorkshire Terriers. You should understand standard English, even if mostly screamed in fits of rage with bits of high speed spittle flying in your direction. You should be comfortable with the spittle at all velocities, should not dodge the spittle, and should resist wiping said spittle off of your face no matter the circumstance. If the spittle is wiped, it should be done so with a strip of coarse burlap solely in the butler quarters, which are located at the altitudinally lowest point of the estate. These quarters are not designed for typical human dimensions, so for premium comfort, it is recommended you be the size of a Yorkshire Terrier. Any larger and you won’t fit. Any smaller and you will have far too much room to dodge the spittle.