Cafeteria – The Harvard Lampoon

Infinite Slumber #

| Issue Editor: ARD '12 | Art Editor: ARD '12

Cafeteria

  CAS '12

I am standing in the cafeteria. To discover if I am dreaming or awake I pinch myself. “Ouch!” I exclaim. “FUCK!!!” I let it all out. “EEEEEEEK!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!”

“You’re not dreaming, dude,” my coworker tells me. At last I wake up from my hellish office place social faux- pas nightmare. For sure this time. It feels super good. I remember my true identity: a tiny man who lives inside of a regular sized man’s mouth and eats all his food and generally pisses him off. “My dreams are really weird,” I tell Herbie, my host. “Had the dream where I was in the office again.” Herbie can’t talk, obviously, but I know he understands and I know he is vaguely sympathetic. Herbie is a stand up guy. That’s why I jumped inside his mouth.

Woah! That was a really crazy dream! I awake in a cold sweat next to my wife. “Baby, I just had the dream where I was a tiny man living inside Herbie’s mouth who had difficulty figuring out if he was dreaming or not.”

“It’s just a dream, dear” my wife says sleepily. But her voice just makes me miss Herbie more.

“I love you, Herbie,” I say quietly as I drift back to sleep, praying I will reunite with him soon. No such luck. Just the Swedish women’s volleyball team sex dream.

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