Carbon Copies – The Harvard Lampoon

The Manic Pursuit #

| Issue Editor: | Art Editor: NHS '10

Carbon Copies

  BUS '11

“Hey dude, did you get yours yet?” Cesar was looking chipper as he approached my desk.

“Get my what?” I asked. Cesar was my best friend at the office, and with reviews coming back on my latest module schematic, he might have been my only friend. At the office, that is. I still kept in touch with a lot of guys from high school.

“Your carbon copy, man! Mine’s in my cubicle right now, fixing the swivel on my swivel chair.”

I looked over at Cesar’s cubicle, and there, attempting to dislodge its finger from a socket wrench, was a perfect replica of Cesar. I would have sworn it was Cesar himself but for the fact that Cesar was at that moment standing right next to me and blowing gently in my ear.

“It’s pretty convincing,” I said. “Does everyone get one?”

“Not everyone, but I bet they sent you one. I mean Christ, you’ve been here since before I was born.”

It was only half true.

“What do they do?” I asked

“They do all the work that you don’t want to do. It’s like a robot-slave, only it’s a human being with feelings and not a robot at all.” The carbon copy, which was now curled up at Cesar’s feet, purred as he fed it a biscuit.

“And the office is just giving them to us for free?”

Cesar looked around to make sure no one was listening. “Well, like I said, not all of us get them. But yes, they’re completely free. Didn’t you see a package on your doorstep this morning?”

It was only then that I realized I had forgotten to go home all weekend.