Castro Assassination Attempt – The Harvard Lampoon

By Any Means Necessary #

| Issue Editor: ACW '15 | Art Editor: SESH '16

Castro Assassination Attempt

  KPFS '15

– Tell me we finally nailed the bastard.
– The mission was unsuccessful.
– Shit, a dud, eh?
– The cigar did explode—
– Woo-eee! In his mouth?
– Yes, however Castro suffered no injuries.
– But, was he scared?
– I, think so?
– (chuckling) How scared?
– I mean, you should have seen the look on his face.
– Do it!
– It was like (makes finger mustache, scrunches face).
– (laughing) Yeah, that’s it!
– (chuckling) I wasn’t going to say, but I think he urinated himself.
– (gasping for air) He… pissed… himself?!
– (laughing now too) Yes, Mr. President, he sure did.
– Get Havana on the phone! He’s never going to hear the end of this.
– Yes, Mr. President. Havana on line one.

– (picks up phone, springy snakes jump everywhere) CASTROOOOO!