Cryobank – The Harvard Lampoon

The Manic Pursuit #

| Issue Editor: NHS '10 | Art Editor: NHS '10

Cryobank

  AMG '10

– Hello?

– Hi, this is Ray at California Cryobank. I’m calling for the six-month check-up. How is everything?

– It’s great. It really is. Sharice and I are ecstatic about this baby.

Mr. Bending will be pleased to hear that.

– Who?

The name of your donor is Orvis Bending. He is seventy-four.

– Wait, what? What the–how are you even allowed to give me his name?

Mr. Bending specified that he did not want to donate anonymously. In fact Mr. Bending gave quite a bit of extra information. Here is a quote from Mr. Bending: “One of my legs is a tire.”

– Oh my God.

Here is another quote from Mr. Bending: “I am a big fat boy and the fact that I have lived this long is from the aerobic conditioning I have developed while waddling away from the police after setting things on fire. I love fire. I am the fastest schizophrenic I know.”

– This… this is inside my wife?

None of that last quote was originally punctuated by Mr. Bending. And precisely, Mr. Stevens.