De Beers – The Harvard Lampoon

High Life #

| Issue Editor: BLWS '15 | Art Editor: CMM '16

De Beers

  NJL '15

After saturating the market with their engagement rings, the diamond ring monopoly decided to create a few new ad campaigns to increase sales.

 

“Happy Tuesday!”

There are only 52 Tuesdays in a year; De Beers can make all of them special.

 

“This ring helped finance a civil war in Zimbabwe”

Tell her the money went to the good guys.

 

“I swear it was only one time”

Help make this affair special with the infidelity collection.

 

“Can we talk about this after the playoffs?”

Because you deserve to watch the game in quiet.

 

“What do you think about toe rings?”

For when she runs out of finger space

 

“It was just involuntary manslaughter.”

Because a diamond lasts forever, but your sentence only lasts a lifetime.