Tallulah, GA – The Harvard Lampoon

Harvard College World Travel Guide

| Issue Editor: MMM '20 | Art Editor: MAK '21

Tallulah, GA

  MMM '20

When I heard one staff writer would be sent to Tallulah, GA for this travel issue my heart skipped a beat. My heart murmurs have afflicted me since I was a wee child. The pain in my chest could not squash the excitement in my bones, however. I could have the chance to go to the ACTUAL town where Deliverance was filmed! Bone excitement has afflicted me since I was an even wee-er child. It is a disorder where all the bones in your body expand explosively with the force of a thousand airbags. It is discomforting.

To my surprise, no other writers volunteered to go to the crude tarp-roofed camp that MMM, MJS, and MAK arranged for the week’s stay in Georgia. Something about a fear of the plot of Deliverance happening to them in real life. Something else about me confusing the plot of Deliverance and Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants. No matter! I paid no attention to staff’s negativity and packed my bags for the big old G-A! There is a significant amount of movie magic in Deliverance, let me tell you. None of the four best friends that I fell in love with during the movie were anywhere in sight. Frankly, there were simply no magical pants. In fact, almost everyone I met was not wearing any pants. Many of the homes used pants as their primary roofing material, which was a nice nod to the film, but just so, so impractical.

The town of Tallulah had a vibrant main street which seemed to subsist entirely on selling “Paddle Faster, I Hear Banjos,” t-shirts. Apparently this is is some sort of quote from the movie. I do not remember a single banjo in the film. Perhaps this is just one of those Mandela Effect scenarios, where everyone just misremembers banjos being part of the plot. In my opinion it would’ve made much more sense for the shirts to say, “Pants,” but that’s neither here nor there.

Yesterday I met two nice gentlemen while on a canoe ride down the Chattooga river. They called to me from the banks and offered me some of their teeth, proudly saying that they had plenty to spare. They did not. But, as southern hospitality dictates: when in the South, hospitalize. So I accepted their teeth and sheepishly stored them in my pocket. They made plans to meet up with me tomorrow and, “Reenact a scene from the movie with me.” I hope it is the scene where the four girls skinny dip in the ocean, but I am trying not to get my hopes up.

So, if you ever visit Tallulah, GA, I recommend meeting the locals on the banks of the river and trusting them to show you a good time! My only regret is not refreshing myself on the film Deliverance, but luckily the locals have promised to help jog my memory tomorrow.