– Hello sir. Here to renew your license?
– Yep. Just turned 21!
– Ok well let’s have a look. Address still 500 Wychwood Road?
– Yes indeed.
– Eyes still hazel? Still male? (chuckles)
– Uh yep. All that info should be the same as before.
– Still 5 foot 8?
– Yes sir.
– Well you know I can… fudge that one a little. If you want me to.
– No, no. Sixty eight inches on the dot.
– Look Organ Donor, five eight is no good. Too short to be hired by the big firms; too tall to ride the bumper cars with a partner. Are you the tallest short man or the shortest tall man? Average equals invisible. What you need, my friend, is a trademark.
– Oh my god. You’re so right. Make me six foot two. No—four foot three. Seven foot eight!
– That’s the spirit.
– And put that I have facial hair. “Lots of interesting facial hair.” Write that somewhere.