Dog Hero – The Harvard Lampoon

Heroes and Villains #

| Issue Editor: RAK '13 | Art Editor: PHM '15

Dog Hero

  EWvS '14

Spotty is a dog hero. Here are some heroic things he has done recently.


Bank Robber: Everybody down! This is a robbery!

Spotty: (Trots into bank safe. Begins eating giant chunk of ham. Sirens start blaring.)

Bank Manager: That ham-based alarm system was the best decision we ever made.


Mugger: Hand over your wallet and nobody gets hurt.

Spotty: (Trots after giant ball of ham rolling down the street.)

Butcher: (Chasing Spotty) Get that ham, Spotty! Hey… what’s going on here?

Mugger: Uh, don’t want no trouble.

Butcher: When Spotty gets back here, he’s going to do some bad things to you.


Terrorist: And now to activate the car bomb.

Spotty: (Sees huge truck of ham and starts wagging tail so hard it knocks the terrorist’s detonator into a gutter.)

Terrorist: This ruins my entire plan.


Criminal: I was going to commit a crime today, but why? That dog knows what’s really important in life.

Spotty: (Sits licking piles of sliced ham arranged to spell “FAMILY”.)