Drummer Boy – The Harvard Lampoon

Best Medicine #

| Issue Editor: JDA '12 | Art Editor:

Drummer Boy

  KPB '12

DRB drummer boy

In the Revolutionary War, young men were used to guide troops into battle with a drumbeat.

 

Drummer boy:  Wow, I can’t believe I’m actually going into battle.

Commander:  Yes, and you will be out on our front line, guiding this glorious battalion into the fight.

Drummer boy:  Oh.  So, you put the new guys in the front?  Because I thought, since it’s my first time, that I would sort of just stay in the back and see how things work.

Commander:  You are in front because your title demands it.

Drummer boy:  I never even knew I had a title.  I mean, I just joined this morning.

Soldier:  The redcoats are approaching!  Be prepared to fire!

Drummer:  You guys haven’t even given me a rifle yet.  Like, I’m out in the middle of this field, surrounded on all sides by people with rifles, and all I have is this drum.

Soldier:  Hold your rifles tight, troops!  God knows you’ll need them to live!

Drummer Boy:  I mean, could you imagine?  Some guy playing a drum right in the middle of all this?  He’d be dead pretty quickly.

Soldier:  Sir, the only guy we hit so far was their unarmed drummer boy.  He went down really fast.

Commander:  They always do. Are you ready, Drummer Boy?

Drummer boy:  I’m fifteen.

Commander:  March on three.