Encore Speech – The Harvard Lampoon

Disturbed Recesses of My Mind #

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Encore Speech

  ANA '17

Wow, thank you guys so much for having us. We love playing this city! We never understood that famous saying about the people of this city until we spent an afternoon here. Now we get it.

Oh, you like what we’re wearing? We picked up these jerseys of the local sports teams after eating in that awesome downtown area with all those buildings. We love that thing you do with the bread, and that other thing you do with the meats. It delights our taste buds in a way that other cities are unable to do.

This weather is something, huh? New for us, but still really great. You guys have been an amazing crowd. Easily the most attractive crowd we’ve had so far on this tour. Not that we’re basing our opinion solely on looks. We think it’s safe to assume that you’re all compassionate and intelligent. Just overall well rounded people. If it weren’t for the outstanding commitments we've made to demonstrably lesser cities, we would end our tour tonight. We’d then take up lodging at the incredibly appropriate rates offered by your local landlords.

People have always told us this city has great Laundromats. They are not wrong. This city really has it all. Better Laundromats and better people. The women that populate your city are goddesses and the women that populate other cities are dogs, rabid biting frothy dogs with bad taste. Their men are stupid and impotent and your men are capable of producing sustained erections for an appropriate length of time without pharmaceutical aid.

We’ve got one more song for you guys tonight. But once again, we love you New York, the city of people and buildings.