Famous Families – The Harvard Lampoon

Dead of Night #

| Issue Editor: GJA '17 | Art Editor: BAB '17

Famous Families

  SWR '19

– I come from a very important family.

– Just tell me the name you want me to write on the check.

– Johnny Three-Fifths-Compromise.

– As in… the Three Fifths Compromise? With the slaves?

– You’ve probably heard of me.

– I don’t understand. Were you responsible for the Three Fifths Compromise of 1787?

– God no! I’m the son of Dennis Three, Randall Fifths, and Jerry Compromise. The first three-man childbirth. It was all over the news.

– Oh that’s right, I remember. Can I get an autograph?

– The scientists messed me up. I have no fingers.