Fears – The Harvard Lampoon

The Grass is Greener #

| Issue Editor: CHS '17 | Art Editor: AEV '18

Fears

  BWM '19

My psychiatrist recommended I write these down

-Getting all red skittles when there isn’t a promotion happening

-Watching my clone catch the perfect wave, knowing that I would have shredded it exactly as he did.

-Having a paperweight that is a balloon.

-Eating a sandwich in the park and seeing a swan that looks like me

-Vacuum cleaners making me eat the dust-bag when they get full.

-Putting the bread on the inside of my sandwich.

-Going snorkeling and seeing two fish reproduce.

-Two exhibitionist fish following me up on the beach to my towel and continuing to reproduce.

-Running over the only cat that knows sign language.

-Falling in love with a handsome spy, being killed in odd ways.

-Trying to catch the door when it’s closing but is not quite there yet. Missing so violently that I slam right through the glass.