Fourth Down – The Harvard Lampoon

Let It Ride #

| Issue Editor: ERB '14 | Art Editor: SHR '15

Fourth Down

  JDH '14

Coach: Punt team, you’re on!

Quarterback: But Coach, there’s only one yard to go.

Coach: It’s fourth down. We’re giving the other team great field position if we don’t punt.

Quarterback: But what about that trick play we were practicing?

Coach: (Catches a glint in his young quarterback’s eyes. Forgets he is a man that has spent the last thirty years as a gym teacher, forgets the athletic administration forcing him into early retirement, forgets the wife that bore him three daughters, none of whom are big enough to play tight end, something this team is conspicuously lacking. Forgets the heartbreaking losses, forgets the blowout losses, and forgets all those times the Mustangs had to forfeit because they didn’t have enough helmets to go around. His quarterback’s breath is visible in the chill October night. This young man with a devil-may-care attitude, before the car crash that takes his right arm and the second-chair saxophone player, THIS young man knows that the free safety has been playing too aggressively all night and if they run a play-action deep post, my God it just might work.)

(Referee calls delay of game penalty. Mustangs lose.)