Gorilla on Mars – The Harvard Lampoon

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Gorilla on Mars

  CGB '11

After robots failed to find life on mars, NASA scientists sent Nana the typing gorilla to search the terrain. This is a transcript of their communications

Thomas: Hey Nana—find anything yet?

Nana: Nana has good news! Thomas: What? Humanoids?

Nana: Nana had baby

Thomas: Oh. Gosh. We didn’t realize you were pregnant.

Michael: So…see any life yet?

Nana: Will call it Rock-Rock, like rock it was born on.

Thomas: What is the rock like?

Nana: Little brown boy with deep brown eyes.

Thomas: No, Nana—describe the rock to us.

Nana: Oh. Big red thing. With deep brown eyes.

Thomas and Michael:

Nana: It moves. It…it took Nana baby! Rock took baby!

Michael: Nana, how? Describe the rock more.

Nana: Baby dead. Baby dead.

Thomas: Nana, listen this is very important—that was not a rock.

Nana: You think Nana no have brain? I know not rock! It ate baby!

Michael: Where were the eyes? Were they surrounding the stomach, like in that picture I drew?

Thomas: Michael, that was the stupidest picture I’ve ever seen.

Michael: Shut up, Thomas—It’s correct, right Nana?

Nana: Nana have so many emotions never learned how to call. Nana hate scientists. Nana throw self off planet.

Thomas: No, Nana! Think how famous you’ll be!

Michael: How famous she’ll be? I’m the one who drew the picture!

Thomas: Michael, it doesn’t have eyes on its stomach—Nana, tell him it doesn’t have eyes there.

Nana: Nana going to kill rock-monster. Then when come home, Nana kill all science men. 

Michael: Nana, calm down. That monster is the best thing that’s ever happened to us.

Nana: Oh no.

Thomas: What Nana? Is it back?

Nana: Throw self off planet no work. Just keep going round and round. Nana wish rock-monster come back.

Michael: So do we, Nana. So do we.