Caligula ruled the Roman Empire from 37-41 AD until he was overthrown, but not before he made his horse a senator.
Caligula: I’m glad you all could make it. I present…Senator Seabiscuit.
Caligula: I’m sorry folks, just one minute. (to Seabiscuit) You will not embarrass me tonight.
Caligula: Introduce yourself. Now.
Seabiscuit: (takes a deep breath) I realize having a horse as your senator may not be ideal, but I am more than qualified. I went to UCLA for undergrad and USC for grad school.
Attendee 1: (raises hand) I don’t know what a “USC” or “grad school” is, but congrats on getting into UCLA, that’s huge. Also, I have a question about how this will impact our daily lives.
Seabiscuit: Ah, yes. I am well aware of the current famine. I know you all have been suffering greatly. I plan to implement a ration system and place silos on every–
Attendee 1: Ok, great, but I was actually wondering if I’ll have to keep eating my own shit every day.
Seabiscuit: As I was saying, with the new storage facilities, we should be able to avoid undesirable–
Attendee 2: (raises hand) Will I be free to eat my own shit if I want to?
Seabiscuit: The short answer is ‘yes’. The long answer is ‘please, don’t do that’.
Attendee 3: (raises hand) So to be clear, you will not be regulating our shit consumption?
Seabiscuit: I wasn’t planning on it. If we could focus our attention to the upcoming battle, we’d find that our province is wildly unprepared. Luckily, I’ve led massive armies to victory countle–
Attendee 4: How can we trust you? How can we be sure that you won’t just wake up one day and ban all shit-eating?
Seabiscuit: Is this something that you are all concerned with?
All attendees nod.
Seabiscuit: You have my word.
All attendees cheer wildly for their new senator.