If Cain and Abel Were Sisters – The Harvard Lampoon

Big & Nasty #

| Issue Editor: JOM '13 | Art Editor: NL '13

If Cain and Abel Were Sisters

  JDM '14

A: That’s your offering?

C: Yeah, why? You think it’s too small?

A: It’s not small. It’s cute. Like your breasts.

C: God hasn’t spoken to me in a while.

A: I can remind him to. He speaks to me all the time.

C: That must get annoying.

A: Not really. [Laughs] Sorry, just remembering something God said.

C: I can’t believe you told dad about my boyfriend!

A: You really shouldn’t be dating the snake.

C: Shut up! You’re not my keeper!

A: Gee, I was just trying to look out for you…

C: You just want God to think you’re the nice one!

A: I think you should talk to mom. She has trouble resisting food too.

C: …hey, Abby? Let’s go out into the field for a while. Just us.

A: Ooooh, can’t. Snake’s taking me out.

C: What?! But mom and dad –

A: In my case, they know he’s not using me.

A: Sister, I’ve risen from the grave to haunt you.

C: O, the torment!

A: Wow, that mark really hides your acne.