Jonah and The Whale – The Harvard Lampoon

Nantucket Sleighride #

| Issue Editor: ZDG '20 | Art Editor: SKL '23

Jonah and The Whale

  ZDG '20   JGS '20

– Jonah! I’ve entered the whale to come save you.

– Leave me alone I got a good set up here, dude.

– I’ll cut a whole in the whale and we’ll swim to shore.

– Whole whale big savings 90% off today only. That’s what you sound like. You said ‘whole’. 

– Don’t harp on it man. I meant hole.

– Don’t harpoon it? Hey, free harpoons, 80% off! You idiot.

– Okay, I said harp on. I definitely didn’t say harpoon that time.

– You sound like a dounce.

– A dounce? Oh nice going. You sound shit stupid. Umm, dounces half off Ass shit.

– Why, I better slap you around. I try to come save you and this is thanks I get.

– Shit fuck. I better fuck your crap.

– Oh no the whale is about to blow us out the hole.

– The whale is about to blow us? Real mature, man. Shitass. Stick it in my fuck.

– Prepare for launch! Blow hoke approaching! Ten nine! Boom!

– Oh nice going blow suck. Now we’re cramped in this hole. I had a sweet set up in the whale.

Reader: what you thought to be two separate characters in dialogue was actually a list of things Jonah said in rapid succession.