Legacy – The Harvard Lampoon

The American Dream #

| Issue Editor: CWW '16 | Art Editor: SESH '16


  NM '17

-I want this city renamed, after me.

-I don’t think I can rename Lincoln, Mr. Ex-Mayor.

-I’ve served the city well. I deserve at least a mid-size building.

-Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You don’t even have a small-size building named after you.

-Fine. I’ll settle on wildlife preserve. Everybody loves wildlife preserves.

-Right now you’re looking at a rural elementary school.

-Come on, I’m not that much different than a Washington, Yosemite.

-I think the Yosemite were a tribe.

-Sure, but have they donated to animal shelters? Like a lot.  

-Honestly to have a chance, you’d have to get assassinated.

-I’ve heard of people doing this.

-It gets you fast-tracked. Some guys have gotten four big cities in one year.  

-I bet that’s what made Lincoln great.

-Yes mostly that.  

-What if I still wanted to live?

-I could give you a disease.

-Is it deadly? Do I want deadly? Can this turn into a Lou Gehrig thing?

-If you’ll settle for losing an arm, I can give you say, a respectable cancer.   

-If I go with the arm-loss, can I still do an assassination in say, ten, twenty years?

-I mean yeah. You can also work on a cause that inspires you.

-You know what, I’ll do the assassination. Give me my city.

-Hold on, I never said you’d get a city.