Lusitania – The Harvard Lampoon

Down + Out #

| Issue Editor: ECM '15 | Art Editor: ECM '15


  ECM '15

SESH lusitania

It isn’t always easy growing up when your dad owns the RMS Lusitania.

-Do we have to go to the Lusitania every weekend, dad? It’s not like it’s going anywhere.

-Just because it’s at the bottom of the ocean doesn’t mean we can’t be proud of it, son.

-But the big dance is on Saturday!

-Tell you what. If you salvage twenty copper pipes from the aft section, we can go to the movies after.


-Dad? The other kids keep making fun of my diving suit.

-Hah! I’d like to see the ‘other kids’ survive this level of atmosphere pressure.

-They said you’re just a crazy man who believes in crazy stories.

-Listen, kiddo. Whenever someone makes fun of you like that, all you have to do is stand up straight, look them in the eye, and show them these photos proving the wreck was caused by a British depth charge.

-But I thought the Lusitania was sunk by a U-Boat?

-Oh, son. That’s exactly what the Allies would like you to think.


-Dad, is it normal for a boy to… like another boy?

-Giant squid! Stay perfectly still.