Mom – The Harvard Lampoon

Big & Nasty #

| Issue Editor: JOM '13 | Art Editor: NL '13


  WDG '13

Sometimes my mom can be such a cockblock. 

ME: I like the way you dance. It’s Emma, right? 

EMMA: Yeah. 

ME: My mom and I love this place. 

EMMA: Your mom’s here?! 

ME: Well, she’s not exactly “here” anymore, but I keep a picture of her in my wallet. 

EMMA: I’m so sorry. 

ME: Yeah. Can I get your number? 

EMMA: No. 

ME: So what do you do when you’re not clubbing?

LAUREN: I study at the local university.

ME: Oh.

LAUREN: You seem upset.

ME: Mom went to college… 

LAUREN: Are you okay? Would you like a hug? 

ME: I would like one.

TANYA: Do you come here a lot? 

ME: (crying) 

ME: Hey, I’m Jacob. My friends call me Jake.

BETH: I’m Beth. My friends call me Mom.

ME: M—Mom? 

BETH: Yeah. 

ME: That’s a great name.