Monkey Barber – The Harvard Lampoon

The American Dream #

| Issue Editor: CWW '16 | Art Editor: SESH '16

Monkey Barber

  LAS '19

– Just a trim today, thanks.
– Shh. The news is on.
– Oh, that’s fine. I like Animal Planet too.

– I just realized I’ve never once seen you eat a banana.
– Yeah, but I’ve never seen you eat one either.
– Crazy.
– I mean, is it?

– I loved the dye you used on my roots last time.
– That was actually my own excrement.
– Wow, yeah, I was really impressed with its conditioning properties.
– Oh. Of course. Interesting.

– My daughter is terrified of King Kong.
– So is mine. He’s terrifying.

– Have you been to the new zoo yet? My son loves it.
– Oh, really? Has he seen my sister?
– I’m not-
– Because I haven’t, in six years. Get out.

– Do you have any magazines besides National Geographic?
– No.