Nancy Reagan’s Spec for The Wire – The Harvard Lampoon

The 90s #

| Issue Editor: WDG '13 | Art Editor: KAE '13

Nancy Reagan’s Spec for The Wire

  JDM '14


[Police Officer is staring at markings on a chalkboard.]

Police Officer: Dang! How are we supposed to fight the war on drugs?

[Just then, an attractive, some have said beautiful, Woman in Red enters.]

Woman in Red: I got the answer, boys.

[She flips over the chalkboard to reveal the words “Just Say No.”]


[Woman in Red, undercover as a call girl, walks by Drug Dealer.]

Drug Dealer: Hey, pretty lady, want some drugs?

Woman in Red: No.

Drug Dealer: What did you just say?

Woman in Red: No.

Boy: Hey, that’s cool!


Kingpin: What’s going on, man? I thought I told you to work the streets.

Drug Dealer: I have been, man. But my customers…all they been saying is “no”…

Kingpin: Well you know what?

[Kingpin pulls out a knife.]

Kingpin: Maybe it’s time I said “no,” too.

[Kingpin starts carving dollhouse furniture to make his living.]


Police Officer: How’d your first day go?

Woman in Red: Well, I rid the world of drugs.

Police Officer: Figures. Can I buy you a drink?

Woman in Red: I can’t just say no to that!

[Police Officer, Woman in Red, and a nearby Former Drug Addict share a laugh.]