Night Travel – The Harvard Lampoon

Dead of Night #

| Issue Editor: GJA '17 | Art Editor: BAB '17

Night Travel

  HJH '19

I love the view from a plane at night. When I have an evening flight I get to the airport three or four months early and hang around at one of the cafes to catch the vibes of the place. The vibes are, without fail, zoomin’.

You wouldn’t believe how time flies when you’re sitting around. Inevitably, I go to the bathroom five minutes before boarding and miss the entire process. Realizing my mistake, I sprint out of the stall with my pants around my ankles, my briefcase in my pants and my penis slammed in my briefcase.

I make it to the tarmac just in time to grab the wing of the plane as it starts to move forward. I run as fast as I can to keep up with takeoff. Sometimes I pretend that I am the little engine powering this incredible feat of human innovation. Then we are going 500mph and the briefcase attached to my penis bounces agonizingly along the pavement.

Next thing I know, we’re airborne. I sit back and chill on the wing, admiring the twinkling lights of the big city. I shoot a wink at the girl in the window seat of row 23. Turns out she’s asleep and I forgot that you have to hold on to the plane so I zip right off. Luckily, I fall directly onto my mattress because my house has no roof. I’m asleep before my head touches the pillow.