Notes from the Under-Grateful – The Harvard Lampoon

Notes from the Under-Grateful

  PAM '75

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Rose,

Thank you very much for the donation to the Heart Fund that you sent in my honor. I hope you do not mind that I exchanged it for a combrable donation to the Cancer Society. I did some research and found that my chances were greater of getting cancer. If, however, I do have a heart attack some day, I will think of you and your insight. Nevertheless, you will receive a tax deduction–I have credited the donation to your account.

A boy with a good heart,

John

 

May 15, 1972

Dear Aunt Wendy,

How did you know that I wanted another Encyclopedia of Bugs, Bugs, Bugs? In fact, I was telling my mother just the other day that what I really wanted to take back to college with me was another Encyclopedia of Bugs, Bugs, Bugs. “Really, Mother,” I said, “it doesn’t seem right that I only have two copies of Encyclopedia of Bugs, Bugs, Bugs to take with me to the NYC School of Music.” Mother agreed absolutely and added wisely that New York probably doesn’t have any bookstores or a decent library.

Love,

Patty

 

April 6, 1972

Dear Stewert Family,

Thanks for the bird cage cover. I never had one before. I suppose that could be attributed to the fact that I am deathly allergic to birds. I am sure though that I will find plenty of other uses for a vinyl bird cage cover. Perhaps, I could use it as a trash can lid cover at school–I know I’ll need one of those. Or maybe my roommate could use the bird cage cover as a trash can lid cover–I know she’ll need one of those. Whatever the case, I know I’ll have a swell time trying to decide how to use your gift most creatively.

Thanks again,

Lucy

 

CYNTHIA PERRIN  E

395 EAST WOODLAND ROAD, LAKE FOREST, ILLINOIS 60045
^0                        LAWN

Zorfmans’,

Monogrammed stationery is always handy. I’ll have plenty of spare time now that I don’t have to write my whole name and address on every letter.

 

Charming Mrs. Brodie,

What a surprise to open a jack-in-the-box and have a King Cobra snake pop out! The doctors at the hospital have never seen one with such noxious venom. It was a real experience to see all the different parts of the hospital.

Please excuse the writing. I’m using my left hand.

Fondly,

Bill