On a Deathbed… – The Harvard Lampoon

Get Off My Lawn #

| Issue Editor: HHD '09 | Art Editor: GMRD '09

On a Deathbed…

  RIP '09

Grandfather: I love you, son.
Man: I love you, dad. I love you so much. Please just stay with me.
Grandfather: I want you to remember me by these final words.
Man: Don’t talk like that! Please, everything will be fine—
Grandfather: Chester! I’ve been holed up in this infirmary for one whole year now, and for one whole year I’ve thought about these words. Words to sum up a man’s life. Please. Heed your ailing papa.
Man: Papa . . . okay. Of course I’ll listen.
Grandfather: Come closer.
Man: Okay.
Grandfather: Put your ear to my lips.
Man: Okay.
Grandfather (whispering): A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Man: Go on.
Grandfather: That’s it. Do you want me to repeat it? A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Man: A bird in the hand—
Grandfather: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You’ve got it.
Man: Like the expression.
Grandfather: No. I came up with it.
Man: It’s an expression.
Grandfather: No it isn’t.
Man: Yes it is.
Grandfather: No it isn’t. (dies)