Ordinary Man – The Harvard Lampoon

Heroes and Villains #

| Issue Editor: RAK '13 | Art Editor: PHM '15

Ordinary Man

  WDG '13

A faraway planet has exploded, proclaim the newspapers on the day of our hero’s birth.

 

Men armed with machine guns enter the lobby of the local bank. Our hero clenches his hair as he hears about the event on his apartment radio.

 

Our hero confronts a group of no-goodniks in an alley in the wrong part of town. Our hero gets the shit beaten out of him.

 

A beautiful young brunette dangles from the roof of a skyscraper. “We live in hard times,” our hero says to a friend as they watch from the sidewalk below.

 

At the records building, our hero discovers he is adopted and that his real parents are actually kind of poor.

 

When his attractive co-worker is assaulted in broad daylight, our hero is elsewhere.
After a freak accident, our hero is sent to the hospital, only to die of natural causes many years later.