Pet Peeves – The Harvard Lampoon

The Grass is Greener #

| Issue Editor: CHS '17 | Art Editor: AEV '18

Pet Peeves

  SHK '18

The following are a few of my pet peeves:

—When I’m doing sex and the whole neighborhood calls out, “Stop doing sex because
you are so good at it!”
—When I am being born and my mom says I have to be less drunk.
—When I yell, “WHO’S PAYING THE BILL” at the restaurant and everyone applauds.
—When death is but a warm iced tea.
—When I ask Blarnt for a penny for my thoughts.
—When I can barely see the babbling brook over the tall, green grasses.
—When I walk my sweet body down to the market and….YES! they’re out of figs.
—When the fat red dogs run my way.
—When I got nothing but the girl on my back and a shirt to call my own.
—When we’re all itchin’ and scratchin’ (and jamming to the beat).
—When I whisper, “can someone give me a hand” to the employees at the hand store.
—When I finally take a shower and everyone won’t stop calling me “Mr. Drip-Drop”
—Honestly, I love raisins so much.