Powdered Woman – The Harvard Lampoon

# From Venus

| Issue Editor: RJS '17 | Art Editor: KAM '17

Powdered Woman

  LDL '19 , Art: JTB '18

“Can’t understand women,” you mumble and you’re right. Women speak and move their fingers wildly and it’s like moon running – but don’t worry! Now, after several months of intense but spiritually gratifying litigation, Powdered Woman is on the market.

Powdered Woman is unlike any other tool for understanding women: it’s a milkshake. Powdered. Rip the package, mix with water, take a sip. The texture of Powdered Woman is high quality milkshake with extra thickeners anyway. Makes your teeth cold. Tastes like vanilla wafers. In 30 minutes, you’ll feel a woman kicking in.

Another 10 minutes and you’ll be in the carpet with small dancers on the insides of your calves. Dancers that are women! Ask them anything! You have 5 minutes before someone calls you through a public domain landline- God, what a voice. Later he’ll fall from your nose. Even later, you’ll see a woman and realize you now think how she thinks.

Women are discouraged from consuming Powdered Women. They don’t buy it anyway. Powdered Woman’s 50 bucks a package and not everyone’s a retard.