Really Nice People – The Harvard Lampoon

Dessert Island #

| Issue Editor: NJL '15 | Art Editor: YZ '17

Really Nice People

  HSB '17

Hi Robert:

     Everyone is so friendly and fun here. For example, I was waiting to get into a club when this random guy, Marcos, asked me if he could look at my passport. I was put off at first because he seemed malnourished, but it turns out he has a great life and loves the government. Marcos wants a fake passport, but I think he could get into any club he wants without it. He’s such a lovable goof, always asking me if I’ll marry him.

     Hikes here are the opposite of hikes at home; here you try to get out of the wilderness to find the tranquility of civilization. I went on a really, really long one with Marcos yesterday. Instead of a city, we found tons of ziplines. Marcos said he was ready to jump off a cliff and I said “Woohoo cliff jumping!”

     Also, the people just had their first truly democratic election. The President won with something like 99% of the vote. He’s so well liked that nobody even ran against him. Very cool. I’m surprised the President got all those votes thoughhe’s constantly threatening to create jobs for everyone. Does he not realize that this whole country is on vacation?

     Last month, a monsoon made landfall and wiped out most of the infrastructure here. I was scared, but the monsoon turned out to be a really nice guy named Carlos and was actually so funny and such a good dancer. Afterward we all got drunk and ate seafood, which was easy to come by after the flood. Carlos’ brother, a malady whose name I didn’t catch, scored the alcohol. Beer is apparently more plentiful than drinking water here.

     To be honest I don’t think I, or anyone else in this country, has been sober for for weeks.