Roosevelt – The Harvard Lampoon

Heroes and Villains #

| Issue Editor: RAK '13 | Art Editor: PHM '15

Roosevelt

RAK '13

Teddy Roosevelt once famously delivered a campaign speech immediately after being shot in the chest, declaring, “It takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.” Here are some excerpts from the rest of his speech.

• My only concern in this world is for education reform. I care not at all that I have been shot or that I am still being shot at this moment.

•  Hold on now, boys- do not stoop to restrain him with the strength of your batons. We must restrain him with the strength of our ideals.

•  The courage of our nation will never cow to those who threaten it. That man weakens his cause with every gun he fires.

•  A Bull Moose doesn’t back down over three pints of blood. A Bull Moose doesn’t know what blood is.

•  No, boys–let him come up if he wants to. Let the world see how many machetes a coward needs to feel like a man.

•  My leg is but a man’s leg. He can never cut off the legs of a dream.

•  Leave the water, my friends. It was a fire that lit the signing of the Constitution. Let it be a fire that lights our way today.

•  We pulled through the Spanish-American War by the skin of our teeth and that’s all the skin I need.

•  The only vat of acid that can threaten our country is the vat of acid in our hearts.

•  If our nation’s enemies hope to weaken my resolution, they’re going to need more cobras. [Transcribed through blinking]