9:00 AM: Our new president, John Kingsley, will outline his five-year plan for the League.
9:30 AM: New vice president, David Segal, will hold a meeting to discuss fundraising ideas.
10:00 AM: Training seminar on the six ways to kill someone by shooting them in the head.
11:00 AM: Funeral for former president John Kingsley.
11:30 AM: New president David Segal will say a few words about former president John Kingsley.
11:45 AM: Elections for the new vice president will be held in the John Kingsley Memorial Auditorium.
11:50 AM: Funeral for former president David Segal.
12:00 PM: Lunch
1:00 PM: Ballot-counting for the elections.
1:20 PM: Tim Douglas is named the new president.
1:22 PM: Dual funeral for our ballot-counters.
1:25 PM: Private meeting between president Tim Douglas and his three top choices for vice president in the new bullet-proof President Room.
1:27 PM: Fourth-choice vice presidential candidate Harvey Lewis will be named acting president.
1:30 PM: Funeral for Tim Douglas, Ben Douglas, Tom Douglas, and Wayne Douglas.
2:30 PM: Funeral intermission.
2:40 PM: Funeral resumes.
3:00 PM: Candlelit vigil for all our fallen leaders.
3:05 PM: Fire.
3:30 PM: President Harvey Lewis will hold a meeting announcing the abolition of funerals, as they take too much time. To be held in the bullet-proof, fire-proof President Room.
3:31 PM: James Norton will be sworn in as president. Harvey Lewis is unceremoniously forgotten.
3:45 PM: President James Norton will relocate to the new, impenetrable underwater President Room, which is now equipped with motion sensors and a laser grid.
3:50 PM: Locks installed on the President Room.
4:00 PM: President James Norton will outline his five-year plan for the League, via webcam.