Sex Machine – The Harvard Lampoon

By Any Means Necessary #

| Issue Editor: ACW '15 | Art Editor: SESH '16

Sex Machine

  EIS '16 , Art: REZ '16

REZ sex machine EIS

It was designed for one thing and one thing only.

—It’s looking at me. Can it see me?
—Of course.
—Can it love?
—Only humans can do that.

—Why is it whirring?
—It likes you.
—How do I tell it I’m not interested?
—It wouldn’t understand.

—How can we communicate with it?
—Sex Machine speaks the universal language. Beeps.
(phone rings)
—(Sex Machine becomes enraged)

—Jesus Christ, we just lost Chicago. Can it be killed?
—Can you kill that which was never alive?
—What if we nuked it?
—That would only make it sexier.